Patting the Black Dog

Anyone who has suffered from depression knows how debilitating it can be. I was laid low with it from 2009-2013, recognizing it for what it was from previous experience. I’ve sought treatment in the past, with mixed results. Counselling sessions were very helpful, but medication less so. One of the problems with antidepressants is that there’s often a long take-up period before one notices results, and then if things don’t alter much, it’s recommended that a gradual tailing-off of the dosage occurs, rather than just stop taking them. It can all take a long time to find the right chemical for your system.

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With the last bout of depression, which started in 2009 and lasted for four years, I chose to use it as an opportunity to confront a few issues about self-belief and what I really wanted from life. I’m a firm believer in the effectiveness of counselling and have trained as a marriage guidance counsellor, also working as a volunteer on Samaritan and Rape Crisis helplines. I previously saw the same counsellor for sessions five years apart, and talking to her was invaluable, and each time I was left with the conclusion that I wasn’t so bad a person after all. I thought that this would be the result if I went through counselling again, so decided instead to work on what was hampering my self-belief.

It took me a few years and was much helped by the resurgence in my creativity which welled-up out of me in 2013. It was almost as if I’d been denying myself the thing that I most wanted to do. 

I found several useful online resources, which I recommend to anyone who is feeling crushed by the black dog. And that’s what depression can feel like, for I was weighed down by a lead cloak that made me ache physically and crawl mentally. Current research suggests that there may be a viral cause to depression and anxiety, with the virus residing in the gut, from where it affects muscles and brain activity :
http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/anxiety-and-depression-caused-by-stress-linked-to-gut-bacteria-living-in-intestines-scientists-find-10422303.html

Moodscope is a test that can be done daily to measure how one is feeling. If you are in the depths of depression, I’d advise you not to do it every day, as it can have a negative impact on morale to see that you’re still at 0%! I do the test about once a month these days and have been at 100% for ages.
https://www.moodscope.com/

American born comedian Ruby Wax, was one of the founders of Black Dog Tribe, which encourages people to talk about their depression.
http://www.sane.org.uk/what_we_do/bdt

Psych Central discusses all sorts of mental health issues, including depression, though I’d caution anyone about self-diagnosing.
http://psychcentral.com/

ADDENDUM

My life has been transformed by writing. My creative resurgence was an irresistible force, with ideas for stories, poems and songs coming to me in chunks. I must admit that I’m a bit surprised to be feeling so positive, as to quote a book title by Richard Farina I previously felt like ‘I’ve been down so long it feels like up to me.’

One of the problems with depression is that it sneaks up on you, and once it has a hold your thinking has been crippled so much that it feels like it’s your well-deserved fate to be this way.

I have no embarrassment in talking about it, especially if my experience helps others. Fortunately, there’s been a greater openness about depression and other mental health problems, as celebrities including Stephen Fry, Ruby Wax, and many actors and sports people have opened up about their struggles.
Exercise certainly helps alleviate depression, though I’m not sure that aching buttocks from my recent 40 mile journey on the unyielding saddle of my bicycle is a fair exchange! I’ve just bought a safety helmet on eBay, perhaps I should search for some titanium cycling pants…

ADDENDUM

Apart from exercising, learning something new is a good way of evading the blues. It all helps to get parts of the brain firing that short-circuit whatever is bringing you down. 

Actually, I’m not that keen on depression being referred to as the blues, as that sounds more like an entertaining song. Depression is darker than that – blues becoming purple, then mauve being absorbed by darkness. It makes me think of the Mark Rothko room at the Tate Gallery.

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We are all Librarians

I actually trained as a librarian back in the early 1970s, working in the profession for six years. I always loved books, and as a lonely child, they were my constant companions. I’m a firm believer in the library movement, as historically it offered a way of allowing ordinary people to access knowledge. Governments would rather that we didn’t know things, and simply believe everything that they tell us. In the current economic recession, many libraries are being closed or are operating on restricted hours. My local branch is only open two and a half days a week these days. As Ray Bradbury said: 

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After feeling stifled by the way that libraries operated in a very static way, I jumped into a crazy way of earning a living, by becoming a motorcycle dispatch rider in London. I’ve done about forty different jobs since over the years, sometimes with the thought in the back of my mind that this would be a good way of learning things to write about later. I moved back into what might be called disseminating knowledge, through writing self-help and technical articles for magazines and by training as an infant teacher.


Since returning to creative writing six years ago, I’ve become aware that I never left librarianship behind at all. The whole world runs on a system of classifying and organising things, as regimented as the Dewey decimal classification system by which most libraries shelve their books. We understand how people, ideas and machines work by comparing them to other things. One of the first things that strangers ask of each other after exchanging names, is ‘What do you do?’ That becomes the first step towards pigeonholing someone, so that they can be understood. We paint folk with the colour of what we understand being a butcher, social worker or car mechanic means.

This habit affects writers in distinct ways. I wrote a crime story as my first novel for several reasons, including the commercial one of it being a successful genre of writing that sold well online. I like crime stories, but don’t exclusively read them, and nor do I only write them. Most of my twenty short stories and novellas are about other things, with just one concerning a case of mistaken identity in a murder investigation. Yet if The Perfect Murderer achieved any commercial success, I would immediately be labelled a crime writer.

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Anna Quindlen

It must be very frustrating for successful authors who get defined in this way, expected to write more of the same sort of story—to become a brand. It’s not that their other tales fail to work, it’s simply that the first one that readers glommed onto was a Western, a Science Fiction short story or a torrid Romance. We all do this sort of thing every day though – just think of the elevator pitch, which is used to quickly describe your new novel. ‘It’s a space romance, set in the 25th century and based on William Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet, but featuring a love affair between a human-being and an alien creature.’ This immediately gives you a load of cultural reference points, which may tickle the agent’s interest or not.

Even our everyday life involves being a librarian. What about the cutlery drawer in the kitchen? The knives, forks and spoons are separated out, probably in a moulded tray. You may have other items arranged around the tray – corkscrew, spatula, coasters, scissors – and you know where everything is so you can find it straight away.

Running wild and free may be fine as a liberating concept, but to get through life without hassle we need systems, fences, boundaries and other organizational tools that make sense of chaos. We should definitely consider who we are and how our status, experiences and current circumstances can be used to sell ourselves as writers. We are as much classified by the public, as our books are.

Our potential readers might fail to be charmed by the idea of a novel written by an author who’s worked most of their life as an accountant, but be immediately attracted to a blurb which mentions how you’ve made 200 parachute jumps. This immediately transforms you from boring bean counter to exciting risk-taker.

Who are you?

Where do you fit in on the shelf?

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Stuck in the past

I’ve been struck how many cliched images there are around to represent different professions. I’ve worked as a teacher and as a milkman, and it’s still common for these jobs to be represented by dated stereotypes.

Teachers are usually spectacle wearers, standing in front of a blackboard—t’s not unusual for them to be wearing mortar boards and even gown, at least in clip art. Milkmen invariably have a work coat and a damned silly peaked cap and are toting a wire cage bottle carrier. I ran my milk-round in the 1980s, rarely used the carrier, preferring to use the pockets of my coat to hold bottles, and I never saw the caps which milkmen still wear in commercials and advertisements.

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(not me!)


I can just recall some teachers wearing mortar boards and their graduation caps at my grammar school in the 1960s, but it was a posh sort of place and the regalia was reserved for official ceremonies.

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(Also, not me!)

Writers are often symbolised by being hunched over typewriters. I last used a typewriter in 1995, and I wondered how many authors still do their writing on one.

Even the tangle-haired model on the cover of this ebook How to be a Writer in the E-Age, is about to peck her typewriter with her forefinger.

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Garlic Is as Good as Ten Mothers

I had a minor stroke ten days before Christmas, 1995. It was a hell of a year, the worst of my life, and the stress contributed to my brain temporarily conking out. I hadn’t helped matters by having been a heavy drinker for 27 years. Watching men die around me in the intensive care ward was one hell of a wake-up call—most were alcoholics.

Stubborn as I am, and determined to heal myself, I went through a period of recuperation which included researching why strokes happened. I found that the flu pandemic of 1918-1920, which killed 50-100 million people, had a knock-on effect in that victims who’d seemingly recovered from the infection later succumbed to heart-attacks and strokes. I’d suffered a nasty bout of flu a few weeks before my stroke.

I recalled that Roman soldiers supposedly ate garlic, to help to ward off coughs and colds when stationed in damp Britain. I also remembered a lovely film that I’d seen in the 1970s about the wonders of garlic, which was called Garlic Is As Good As Ten Mothers.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Garlic_Is_as_Good_as_Ten_Mothers

https://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=Garlic+Is+as+Good+as+Ten+Mothers

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As the old saying goes ‘an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure’, and as garlic is known to be an effective blood thinner, something that I was supposed to do to prevent another stroke, I started to eat it daily.

I have a lunch of pasta with a few cloves of raw garlic chopped up on it, along with a decent amount of olive oil. I haven’t had a cold for twenty-three years! I find that fresh garlic is less noticeable than garlic capsules and pills, which make me burp. No one has ever commented that I stink of garlic. 

I also haven’t been bitten by any vampires. Mind you, a gay, gourmet werewolf followed me home one night, saying that I smelled nice…Stupid werewolf!

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Older Debut Authors

A new writers’ group has started to counter bias against older debut authors. As a sage if not entirely wise writer of 65, I welcome this development.

There have been some notable famous authors who started out late, including Penelope Fitzgerald, Mary Wesley, Henry Miller, George Elliot, Richard Adams, Raymond Chandler, Alex Haley, Charles Bukowski and Annie Proulx.

Prime Readers may be of interest to mature writers:

http://publishingperspectives.com/2015/07/uk-group-to-fight-bias-against-older-debut-authors/

http://theprimewriters.com/

It’s long annoyed me that so much attention is given to those under 40 when it comes to prizes, bursaries and competitions. Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for encouraging young talent and it’s in my bones to pass on knowledge, but there comes a time in life when you start to feel like you’re invisible. A debut author of any age needs support, encouragement and recognition.

Anyone can write at any age. Mary Wesley is a shining example of someone who started out late, with her breakout novel The Camomile Lawn published when she was 72. Her last novel came when she was 85, and she was a very frisky woman: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mary_Wesley

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Read It Like You Stole It!

This report from the book section of the Guardian newspaper shows that we shouldn’t worry too much about our work being pirated :

http://www.theguardian.com/books/2015/jul/24/ebook-pirate-uk-statistics-2015

It’s easy to worry about someone copying your plotline, or of having inadvertently borrowed key elements from a novel that you read ten years ago and had largely forgotten about. There are only so many stories under the sun, and it’s reckoned that there are only seven (or five) basic plots, so there’s bound to be some coincidences.

It’s quite likely that someone has written a thriller that contains elements of my first Cornish Detective novel, which is about a war-hardened mercenary who’s killing victims as part of some twisted role-play game. After all, there’s been much reporting on how computer games induce violent acts in real life, and more people are aware of the ongoing trauma of PTSD for veteran soldiers. I was more concerned that another author would get their book published before mine, with the same title of The Perfect Murderer.

I like catchy titles, and though there’s nothing crucial about my narrative that would prevent me from changing the title, I’d still be a bit miffed that someone beat me to it. Mind you, I was a bit surprised that a famous crime novelist, H.R.F. Keating had written his first Indian detective story featuring Inspector Ghote with the title The Perfect Murder. I probably read it when I was in my twenties, forgetting the story but storing a form of the title in my memory banks.

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Some theft does occur with books. It’s impossible to take legal action against those who’ve stolen your entire story if it’s in the Far East – unless you’re a major corporation, and tough to do so even then. A writer friend who published a series of romance novels as ebooks in the U.K. went to visit friends in India. They’d read her books, and tentatively showed her some pirated versions of them, which had been printed as paperbacks with the Western names changed to Indian, along with other cultural details referring to clothing, food and religion.


There was absolutely nothing that she could do about it, and the supposed author looked to be a made-up identity for an online search found nothing about them. My friend moved on through Asia, as part of her post-retirement backpacking adventure, ending up in China. She wasn’t entirely surprised to find her romances were on sale in street markets, again altered to represent the country. 

She hadn’t used Digital Rights Management for her ebooks, not thinking that such foreign piracy would ever occur. DRM is easily removed anyway.

We might be more widely read than we know…

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Are You In Your Books?

After devoting most of 2014 to writing my first novel The Perfect Murderer, and having a few nightmares as a result of the gruesome research, I’ve planning to write something lighter and funnier next—a modern comedy of sexual manners, perhaps.

I was wondering how much I should include my own dating experiences over the last twenty-five years, which is about as long as I’ve been using online dating agencies. I’m no heart-breaking Lothario, and have had some happy relationships (and several troubled liaisons), making several close and long-term friends along the way. I’ve found it moving to see lonely hearts trying to begin again in their forties, fifties and sixties following unexpected bereavement or divorce.

 I fretted a bit about a kinky sex activity that I’d put into my first Cornish Detective as a bit of light relief (no pun intended), thinking that the reader would associate me with this strange deviancy. I’m not the only writer who has been troubled by such concerns, as this article shows, where a young, Indian female author found people casting aspersions about her virginity—because that’s what her heroine was trying to lose:

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/women/womens-life/11761130/Virginity-Im-sick-of-people-asking-about-mine.html

Have any of you encountered any tricky situations, as a result of what you wrote?

Personally, I’m thick-skinned when it comes to what readers might think about anything I’ve written that could apply to me. To adapt something that Eleanor Roosevelt said about being made to feel inferior, I cleave to the notion that ‘ No one can make you feel embarrassed without your permission.’

On the other hand, I’m very circumspect in revealing any personal stories that people have told me about their lives. That would be manipulative and cruel.

Some writers have used their novels to wreak revenge on people, but the closest I’ve come is stealing a few unusual names and characteristics from folk I knew decades ago.

How about you? The pen is mightier than the sword, after all….

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How Do You Choose A Book?

After doing masses of work getting my books ready to self-publish, considering things like the book cover design, formatting, blurb, plot line, characterisation, etc, etc, I’ve become adept at these structural components. I’ve read many experts’ advice on what a book needs to succeed, but all of such well-meaning tips don’t take into account how readers actually choose books.

I’ve been keeping an eye on how I select consumer goods, and why I reject them too. I tend to buy books on eBay, AbeBooks or Amazon, using cheap price and free postage as an imperative. Were I to be borrowing them from my local library, I might consider the weight of them too, choosing a paperback over a hardback – as I have to carry them home.

My decision on what to read is based on several things, including a liking of the author’s work, a good review and subject matter that interests me, which I’ll skim-read off the back of the book. I may admire the cover art, or not, but it doesn’t influence me greatly. I never read the opening of a book or sample passages from further in, to see if I like the style.

There definitely is an old boy network when it comes to reviews. It’s easy to check how an author who says something favourable about a new book, which is quoted on the cover, is signed to the same publisher. True Story: In 1977 I was working as a dispatch rider on a motorcycle in London. I’d trained as a librarian but decided that I wanted something with more variety and excitement, so donned my leathers. I was delivering packages for an art design studio at the time, which involved visiting magazine publishers, printers and publishers. Many of these documents would be transmitted over the internet these days, but at that time having a hard copy was vital. I was waiting for an executive to come out of a meeting to sign for a package, cooling my riding boot heels in a swanky publisher one day, when I recognised a celebrity sitting opposite me. It was a well-known lawyer and political adviser Lord Goodman, who regularly appeared on political discussion shows and in the newspapers – https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Arnold_Goodman,_Baron_Goodman

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A publisher’s assistant went over to him, requesting that he sign-off that he recommended a new book, a guide to the law for a beginner. The Baron glanced at the book, declaring that he hadn’t read it, upon which the flunky stage-whispered that this writer had provided the blurb for his Lordship’s last book. “Do you happen to know if he even read it?” asked Lord Goodman. The assistant shook his head uncertainly while taking the signature. Lord Goodman noticed that I’d witnessed this hypocritical transaction, shrugging his shoulders in a dismissive ‘what-can-I-do-it’s-how-things-work’ way.

 that’s how the system works, I thought, a little less naive than I’d been a few minutes before. All together now – it’s not what you know, but who you know that counts.

After overhearing a couple of readers talking to two librarians, saying that they chose what to read mainly be the title of a book, I’ve given more weight in my mind to coming up with catchy titles for my work, but I’ve never selected a book in this way. Again, I might admire the elegance and intrigue of a clever title, such as James Lee Burke’s In the Electric Mist with Confederate Dead but it’s not an overriding factor.

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I prefer American and Scandinavian crime thrillers, over those based in the U.K. I’m not sure why. Perhaps it’s something to do with liking the unfamiliar and wanting to get away from the plodding familiarity of British cop stories. I’m also more likely to choose a literary style novel about relationships that’s set in a foreign land.
How do you choose what to read?

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